How to Love My Neighbor

Have you ever made something more complicated than it needed to be? I certainly have. The easiest example from my own life (and this has happened multiple times) goes something like this: I find myself in a large department store looking for a specific item, and I have no idea where it’s kept. The easy and straightforward thing to do would be to ask the help of an employee, who would direct me to my destination without any hindrances or wasted time. Of course, I don’t do the easy and straightforward thing. I wander around aimlessly, wasting time and energy, only to finally realize that the item I needed was hidden in plain sight (and I’d probably already passed it a time or two). I took a simple task and overcomplicated it, even though help was available the entire time.  

Christians often face the same problem when it comes to morality. In the Bible, we are told to love our neighbors. Sounds simple, right? Not necessarily. What happens when two different Christians have two different ideas about what loving their neighbor should look like in a specific situation?  

Let me give an example. Let’s say a woman in your church has been drifting away from fellowship with other Christians and has become increasingly antagonistic to the Bible. You know her newfound opinions because of her escalating social media posts. One day, she formally announces online that she is no longer a “she,” but is now a “he.” Let’s go back to our previous question: how do we love our neighbor (this woman) in this situation?
 
Some Christians would likely say something like this: “You know what? If this makes my neighbor happier, then I will support them. I want my neighbor to find true peace, and if this change brings that peace, then I’m not going to let religion get in the way. God wants us to love people no matter what, so I will call this person whatever they desire to be called. That is the loving thing to do.”

Other Christians would likely respond like this: “This woman is deceived and believes that grasping for a new identity will bring her happiness. I will not call her a “him,” because that would be a lie and would ultimately enable her to find her identity in sin and rebellion. Pointing her to truth is the most loving thing to do for her.”  

There is a drastic difference between the two above responses, isn’t there? Which response is correct?  In God’s goodness to us, he has not left “loving my neighbor” up for grabs. He has defined this phrase for us in his Holy Word, so we do not need to guess regarding what it looks like to love those around us.

Loving our neighbor is not only a New Testament command. It was given to the people of Israel way back in Leviticus in connection with the giving of the Law (Lev. 19:18). Loving your neighbor by the standards of God’s Law, then, is in place throughout the entire history of Israel and Judah. Once Christ arrives on the scene, he reaffirms the need to love one’s neighbor in the Sermon on the Mount (Mat. 5), as well as in his interaction with the Rich Young Ruler (Mat. 19), and in response to a challenge from the Pharisees (Mat. 22).  

After the cross, empty tomb, and establishment of the church, did things change? No – not regarding the command to love our neighbors. Consider Romans 13:8–10.
[8] Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. [9] For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” [10] Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. (ESV)
 
Do we grasp what Paul said? He said that the Ten Commandments are summed up in the phrase, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Here’s the important detail: the phrase does not replace the Ten Commandments. It sums them up. It’s become a shorthand expression of them, but they are still very present and potent. To use a word picture, I could say that if you received a big, brown box in the mail with the label “Love Your Neighbors” stamped on the outside, when you opened it you would find the Ten Commandments inside.
 
Here's the punchline: loving your neighbor means obeying the Ten Commandments and urging them to do the same.  

“Wait – the Ten Commandments? As in Moses and Mount Sinai and all that?” Yes, exactly. 
Folks, right here comes a common misconception. It goes like this: because we are saved by grace through faith, the Law of God no longer has any relevance to our lives. “Jesus fulfilled the Law,” the thought goes, “So now I am free from it and don’t need to give it another thought...right?”

Not quite! It is true that Jesus kept the law perfectly, thus meeting God’s perfect standard of righteousness. It is also true that those of us who are in union with Jesus (Christians) are no longer under the curse of the law, meaning our righteousness is not measured by our own efforts. Rather, Christ’s righteousness speaks for us. This is really, really good news! This does not mean, however, that God’s standard of morality has changed or is no longer part of the lives of his people. I’ll repeat what I stated above. The Moral Law of God is still good, and is the standard by which we love our neighbors.

Matthew 5:17–19
[17] “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. [18] For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. [19] Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. (ESV)
 
Jesus said that the Law of God isn’t going away any time soon. He even warned against relaxing any part of the law! This is because God’s standards are unchanging. If God says something is good, it is good forever.  His Ten Commandments to his people at Sinai were objectively good and still are. It is still good and right that people worship God above all others, that they not take his name in vain, that they not murder, not covet, etc.  

This is not a new concept, even in our neck of the woods. For many years, there was a national acknowledgement of the ongoing goodness of God’s Law in the United States. Many small towns in our nation still have monuments of the Ten Commandments in their city halls or on the front lawn of the courthouse. There are even current efforts to reintroduce the Law of God into some government schools, which we should applaud and support.

You might concede that yes, it’s good for a Christian to not kill, steal, or commit adultery. Fair enough. But it’s pretty hard to wrap our heads around encouraging our neighbors to do the same. After all, they don’t even know Jesus! How can we expect them to obey what God has said? Consider this important passage from 1 Timothy.

1 Timothy 1:8–11
[8] Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, [9] understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, [10] the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine, [11] in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted. (ESV)

Did you catch that? Paul says that the Law (the Ten Commandments and their application) is good for unbelieving people, not just Christians. Look at it this way: even if my unbelieving neighbor doesn’t know Jesus, I should still desire that he not kill, steal, and commit adultery. I should desire this for him because, whether he knows it or not, God’s standards are good for him and everyone around him.  

If you love God, you will love others. If you love others, you must love them the way God tells you to love them, and those instructions are found and summarized in the Ten Commandments.  

A common objection might go like this: “You want people to follow God’s standard for morality even if they aren’t Christians? That may produce good actions, but how will that help them eternally?”

Of course we want to see our neighbors come to true faith and true repentance. We want them to see Jesus as glorious and bow the knee to him. May that happen in the hearts of our neighbors! However, I am contending that even if my neighbor never comes to know Jesus, it is still good for them to live according to God’s standards of righteousness for the sake of their family and society. This is what Paul says in 1 Timothy 1 (quoted above). Let me say it this way: even if my neighbor remains an unbeliever, I still want them to not murder, steal, or lie, for their sakes and for the sakes of those around them.

Very practically, this means that I’m going to make efforts to promote and obey the Ten Commandments in my life, starting in my living room. I’ll teach them to my family and discuss ways to obey what God has said. Moving out of my home, I’ll look for opportunities to endorse and promote God’s standards of righteousness in my neighborhood, town, and nation.

My prayer is that we will, by God’s power, think rightly about how God wants us to love our neighbors. Don’t be like me, wandering around the store, looking for answers when what I need is readily available. If I start depending upon my imagination or my feelings to guide me in how I love people, I’m going to get off track very quickly. God really does want us to love those around us, and he really has told us what that looks like.